If you are visiting this section then you must struggling with your toddler’s behavior and desperately searching for ways to deal with it. You, like many other parents with a toddler or multiple toddlers, are struggling to figure out your child and their erratic behavior. Maybe you have lost your cool too many times and need to figure out the best approach to parenting.
Every Child is Unique
Well…this isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. Every child is different, which makes for different approaches. However, I can offer my view, my experience, and my approach because I have really struggled with my toddler son. I have taken every approach from the awful screaming and yelling to pure comfort and hugging and everything in between.
Let me start by sharing a little about my son and his personality. He is your typical 3 year old (will be 4 in June), he pushes my buttons, tests the limits, has a BIG personality, feels like the world is ending over things that I may think are minute, has meltdowns, highs and lows multiple times in one hour…sound familiar? It’s normal…it’s all normal…but it sure is very challenging and exhausting.
The hardest part of navigating these situations is figuring out how to effectively approach him but also how to keep my cool. What do I mean by that? Some days I wake up refreshed – I work out, shower, eat healthy and all is wonderful in the world. Those days seem much easier when trying to deal with my son’s mood swings.
Then there are days when I barely get any sleep because the baby was up a lot, I didn’t get a workout, I feel gross, it’s raining and so on. These are the hard days, the days that I find myself yelling more often and then regretting it later….rage and regret, know the feeling?? One day it just hit me that no two days will be the same. I have 3 small children under the age of 4 so there will be days I am exhausted and can’t take care of myself. This cannot be the driver of my day, I have to be in the driver seat.
On these tough days, I would find myself sending my son to his room or to a timeout somewhere in the house and yell as he is going to his “timeout”. Have you ever just went on a rant? Yelled at your child with so many details as to why they shouldn’t be doing what they are doing and going on and on and on? Well, they tune you out very quickly because they are toddlers. They cannot handle or understand the details so keep those to yourself and keep it short.
I have found that I don’t like the idea of going in a “timeout” but rather taking a “break”. We have been trying to use that in our house lately. When we see our son starting to escalate, act out, get loud, etc…we try to say in a calm, emotionless manner “Ok, it’s time for a break” and send him to a safe place for 2-3 minutes to get himself together again.
This is exactly how adults should approach a stressful moment for themselves.
When things feel like they are getting out of hand, we walk away and take a break for a few minutes, maybe a few deep breaths then return when we get ourselves together. Simply changing from the yelling and putting him in a timeout to a calm, slightly firm tone and having him take a break has actually helped in changing the outcome.
Every Situation is Unique
Keep in mind – not all situations are the same. There is a difference in discipline when he is doing something dangerous or hurtful to someone else. If we see him purposely doing something that can cause danger or harm to himself or to his siblings then the approach is different. You need to read the situation and determine which approach is appropriate.
In this kind of situation, we are certainly more firm in the moment, make him take a break (needs to be removed from the situation) and then discuss after. It is important after this kind of behavior to discuss in a calm manner that these actions have consequences. Your child should never be afraid of you because you are their protector and caretaker. However, they need to understand that when you become “firm” with your tone, their actions are unacceptable, dangerous and will have consequences. It is not an easy task to ask someone to discipline with love but with practice, it can be done.
This is the guideline we choose to follow:
- Keep it short
- Keep it simple
- Keep it emotionless
- Keep it firm not harsh
- Keep it consistent
- NEVER scream about the details in length
- ALWAYS show love at the end (hugs, kisses, say “I love you”)